returning

Hello, friends.

I saw this morning that it has been a month since I last posted.

It was a month that I needed. I withdrew, I took time, I was a misery to the people around me.

Those diet changes landed me in some crazy detoxing. I felt awful for about four weeks: I was exhausted, depressed, ill. And while my physical self was struggling to find up, my emotional being was rampaged like I’ve never experienced.

And while I moaned, and cried, and gnashed my teeth, my dear family took the most wonderful care of me. Hugs and kisses, prayers and encouragement, lots and lots of grace. Dan has listened to my whining and never once told me to get over it or stop crying. He tells me tears are healing and he’s giving me all the time I need.

The friends who count as family, have commiserated and sympathized. They’ve delivered hugs and treats. They’ve tackled baking experiments with me. They’ve planned birthday parties around our diet restrictions.They’ve replied with love and kindness to my self-pitying, ranting texts and messages. They’ve laid hands and prayed. They’ve been the community I needed.

Now I’m waking up again, feeling more like myself, hoping perhaps this detoxing thing is out of the way. I’ve wrestled with how these changes (and fears) contrast with the things I believe. My faith is coming out on top even as I accept this may be where God has me for this time. And when I decide to cheat and nibble that sliver of aged cheddar, I remind myself I’m indulging in grace, living in the freedom that’s been bought.

This is where I am. In a wild, mixed up place where I have few answers beyond the resounding word to trust. I’m overflowing with gratitude for this life, this family, this experience, this path. The path which seems so hazy but is where I’ve been placed for today. And I’m hopeful for tomorrow.

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I’ve missed this space. I’ve thought of you often. And I thank you from the bottom of my heart for stopping here, for checking in, for asking how I’ve been doing. You are good, good friends.