It was still early, the kids freshly in bed, but I was already exhausted. I stood up, hoping for bed, but decided I couldn’t take the chance of the boy waking before me. The birthday decorations needed to go up. I lifted down the box labeled PARTY SUPPLIES, pulled out bunting and banners. I stood on a chair, masking tape slung round my wrist when the tears came. Hot, heavy, silent tears as I was struck with the reality: our last birthday in this home.
That surprise banner hung on the birthday child’s doorframe through so many years of growing up.
That bunting, the first project tackled on my grandmother’s sewing machine, for a boy’s birthday years past.
That Snoopy banner, sent by my mom for my 18th birthday – my first away from my parent’s home, and hung for countless birthdays since.
I climb down from the chair, slump head in hands, and cry. Silently, while Dan is on a late evening work call. I catch up the sobs and blow up balloons – the balloon chair needs dressing. And the birthday door.
There – a spare piece of tape left from a past celebration and I’m welling up again.
Finish the balloons, tuck back the box, pad down the stairs to shift laundry. I’m a sentimental fool and I know it. And I’m sitting on my grandpa’s couch in the basement sobbing. Wanting to hold on to these walls. Cling to this same. Resist the change.
But it’s good this change. We’ve asked, waited, begged, waited. And like I said, we knew…we know. This is right. Even though I’ve got cold feet. It’s not regret or even doubt I feel. It’s just cold, creeping fear, telling me lies.
Because I know, I know these people, these memories come with me. There will be more, many more memories made. And this family needs the space. We have limbs to stretch and growing pains to ease.
These tears are good. I know there will be more. They are good, healing, necessary; I know it.
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And now we hold the keys to our new home. We’ve spent two long days exploring, cleaning, and tearing it up. Moving boxes we won’t need for a few weeks, and imagining where everything will go.
At the end of these busy days I have tears brimming as I drive into our back alley, unload kids, and wrestle the six into bed. I’m still longing for home – this home, with its comforts and familiar. And soon, I know, I’ll find those in our new home. I know, I know.
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Thanks for all your sweet and loving words. Thanks for sharing in our hope and excitement. I’ve been blessed and courage bolstered by your kindness. I’ve got photos to share with you tomorrow so you can see what we’ve been up to.
xoR
Oh Rachel! I get it, I really do. Moving forward, even for the best, is sometimes so hard.
A loving family truly does make a house a home, and in time, after several birthdays, holidays and family dinners your new house will feel like a real home too.
I remember that feeling. Our birthday was actually the last one in our old house and the only one after we knew we’d be moving. but I remember walking through after it was all empty & thinking about all the memories there. I don’t imagine I’ll feel the same way about this house, since this is only our second year here. But I get it.
I can’t wait to see and hear about all your adventures in your new home… xo
Oh, it is hard. And this is such a big change you are facing.
You’ll make lots of new wonderful memories in your new home soon, and still get to keep the old ones.
Moving isn’t easy, it tears at your heartstrings. The good thing is you can pack all your memories and party supplies and bring them with you! All those wonderful young people are coming along too and their smiles and laughter will have you believing you really haven’t left anything behind after all. p.s. It’s also good to cry.
I cried when we moved out of our last owned home 3 yrs ago. It was where two of my babies were born. It didn’t make sense, but I was so sad. I ended up writing something in our bathroom cupboards. In an odd way it helped. Hugs to you during this time of excitement and change.
I don’t care what anybody says -moving sucks.I find when the things go into boxes it makes it even harder.When we moved,the new house had the same sounds and laughter,then the stuff came out off the boxes and I felt normal again.It is ok to cry.Hugs to you sweet friend.
Oh sweetie I have moved over 25 times so I know that sickening feeling that settles in your stomach. Rachel, it will go away and you will make this new house your home, raise those beautiful babies of yours, have joys and sorrows, laughter and tears and all the memories that will make the new house a home and you will fall in love with it! Many happy hugs to you!
what a huge change for your family, but such a good change. like you said.. you know, and these are good tears. what a beautiful post. and what wonderful memories to bring with you to your new home. i bet your new home will be brimming with new adventures and memories before you know it! xoxoxoxo many hugs to you. xo
Change is HARD—even good change. And moving………don’t think about it and dwell on it—just do it. (you’ll be so glad when it’s all over and done!!! ) Daughter just moved a few months ago—it’s sort of funny, I was the one with the tears over her old house—loved that place. But now, all is great.
I can not imagine how it must be sad to leave this beloved house of yours. Try to think positive how you fill all the corners of your new home with love and care. Everything will be fine (and you know it)!
We have to give, if we want to get something:)
Ira xo
Once you are moved in your sadness will go away. Just think of all the new memories you will create in the house you have been dreaming about!
Here’s a big big hug, Rachel! When we moved, it was all exciting, scary and profoundly sad for us – I don’t do well with change and a 750 mile move was a huge change for me – I was miserably homesick and trying to encourage the kids (we were mutually encouraging each other)…and then slowly things improved (my attitude among other things), and we’ve seen great blessings. Like others have said – you’re creating memories. Take photos of the house to put into your memento box. Pretty soon it’ll be “remember when…”
Oh, and happy birthday!
Dear Rachel,
this friday naptime finally gave me the chance to write something here. Yes, first it hurts to move away from a place that has been home for so long. But home is always what you make it, and you take your family, your love, your laughs and everything that is YOU with you. I am very very sure you will feel home in your new house very soon. And just think of the space (something desperately needed by this mama too!) In the meantime: it is absoloutely okay to cry! Just go ahead! There are smiles and laughs and lots of good things awaiting you!
Love, Sylvia
Oh! I’ve so been there! Sort of there now. Having made this type of move myself, you are correct, the memories and people come with you. And you will make new ones and all will be well. I seem to be doing a bit of crying myself these days, so at least I’m in good company. Just let it out, because the smiles that will follow will make the tears a distant memory.
Oh Rachel,
I know that feeling. Change is hard, even wonderful exciting change.
Wishing you blessings and peace during this transition. I hope the excitement of your new home will push through your feelings of sadness.
I am struggling with this idea at the moment and we are thinking of just moving downstairs. Our neighbors are moving out and we have the opportunity to take their much nicer apartment. But we have been upstairs here for over 7 years and I will miss it so much when we leave(even if it’s just down a floor, although we have outgrown it and I would love for us to have our own home.
I am excited for you and your family. It won’t be long and your new house will be home!
Much love!