I’m half way through.

I’ve had a few questions about what this fast means for me. I’ve shared a bit with the incredible community of woman that have gathered with Laura Emily for this ten days of fasting. I thought also to share a little here.*

On the physical side of things after long thought and indecision I chose to release sugar** and meat from my diet for this time. I am also trading my late (late) nights with screens (television or laptop), and snacking – my daily indulgences, for quiet nights of reading, writing, or even sleeping as I seek stillness.The late nights are the hardest sacrifice as I do love a little veg time with the hubby before bed. On the inverse side of things I’m focusing on injecting regular green smoothies, raw foods, fresh produce, and extra water into my diet.

I am not generally one for deep self-examination. But since I’ve been laid low with illness I’ve found my thoughts turning inward as I examine motives and ego. Just the prep days leading up to this fast were incredibly eye-opening for me. Exhuming emotions long buried, discovering some self-pleasing but not God-honouring habits, and rooting out the dead weight mindsets (shame and guilt being high on the agenda).

Simply presenting myself with the opportunity to investigate my heart seems to be sending ripples through many layers of my spirit. Previously I was aflutter, but I became positively aglow with the promise of growth.

Now, I’m half way through and feel like I’ve given up some of the vibrancy of the first week (including prep days) as I’ve let myself fall back into busyness. Although I’m still going without, I’ve forsaken some of my goals for this time. But tomorrow is a new day and I’m focusing fresh on the healing and freedom I’m seeking…And requesting your accountability as I do it.

*While there are times I feel fasting is a private effort, shared quietly with God, in this case I am fasting in community. I am feeling the embrace of the incredible woman who are on this fasting journey with me, and am so thankful for it. Community is a powerful theme in my life and I am drawing strength from it in this place.

**With one exception for my friends’ wedding – just in case any of you locals spotted me sampling dessert.

Have you fasted before from food, habits, indulgences, or mindsets? I’m curious to hear your experiences (and advice) for this journey! Sending love to you all! xoR

I’m all aflutter. My mind is full, my heart even more so. I need to empty out mind and let heart sing. Arteries are clogged but emotion is breaking through in hot tears and jagged words. The eyes keep streaming even though I stop them up. And he says it’s good, and I know he’s right; because this journey is messy but it’s good.

I’m holding tight to this work, although I don’t feel strong enough. But I can to do all things. Strength is given for the taking.

The way it was written to be, with that characteristic perfect timing, I was given this. Now I’m preparing to give up. For ten days I’m joining Laura Emily and a group of strong women as we give up and dig deep, explore and discover. I’m clearing out, opening up. I’m seeking healing, physical and emotional. I’m seeking transformation and renewal, wisdom and words. I’m seeking God. And in seeking I will find. More than I bargained for, answered prayer, grace unending.

I’m a work under construction so bear with me. I’m tearful and shaky, forgetful and distracted. I’m being made new.

And it’s all good.

You all are the sweetest! Thanks for your loving words on my last post, I’m so blessed by you wonderful women (and men?…hi,Dad). It’s a good journey I’m on. And I’m doing so much better now that I’m on my feet again.* I’m finding joy, remembering laughter, and speaking gratitude.

*Although by what I consider to be divine humour, we’re now getting back on our feet after a stomach bug. I’ve been laughing about the unbelievable timing of that one!

For a couple of weeks I despaired that summer was passing me by but of course it hasn’t. Life continues, and in this house quite boisterously.

:: we’ve nourished ::

:: we’ve admired ::

:: we’ve learned ::

:: we’ve marvelled ::

:: we’ve entertained ::

:: we’ve experimented ::

:: we’ve celebrated (nine years!!) ::

:: we’ve contemplated ::

:: we’ve enjoyed ::

:: we’ve cherished ::

And there’s plenty of summer left for the having. How is your summer going? I’m feeling out of the loop – come catch me up!

hello!

It’s been a while. Longer even than I’d realized. I’ve missed you.

It was an unexpected absence I took from this space. Just when I thought shingles was beat, it knocked me flat again. This time I didn’t continue (almost) as normal, this time I was down for the count.

Full days of sleeping, in bed or on the couch, lots of prayers, lots of vitamins. Not much of anything else.

And I’m sure this will sound melodramatic but it’s been the hardest month I’ve known. Not because of the pain of shingles (although that hasn’t been a walk in the park). It’s been hard because I’ve been brought, kicking and screaming, to surrender, to giving up, to letting go.

There was much I was not able to do. There was much, much, much that I had to rely on my super-hero hubby and super-sidekick kids to do. There was much that had to be left undone.

It’s been a struggle for everyone.

Though I’ve been reminded time and time again of grace.

I’ve received support, encouragement, and prayers. I’ve dropped to my knees. I’ve cried countless tears. I’ve sunk low, I’ve been raised back up. I’ve ached David’s Psalms. I’ve filled pages and pages with my pain, I’ve filled more with my thanks.

And I’ve known this is a work, not just an illness. It’s been transformation, education, growth. Those dark soul corners where pain slinks away to hide are being brought to the light. I’m learning to find strength, seek beauty, offer forgiveness.

I’m on a journey to healing, body and soul.

::

I’m doing much better now. Not 100% but feeling good and returned to mommy duties. And so so thankful. Thanks for the prayers, healing thoughts, and kind notes. 

“Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more.

It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal

into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our

past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

~Melody Beattie

In the name of gratitude and truthfulness I’ve decided to post a little piece of reality here once a week. Likely just a single picture. See my original post here.

I felt so good, and I jumped back in. Back in to stacked dished, unpacked boxes, dirty laundry. Back in to hurry, hurry, rush, rush, don’t-slow-down stress.

I felt it in my cheek. The red-angry cheek that was so nearly healed. The cheek that burned with indignation at the the rushing and the going and the worrying.

And once again morning showed the truth. Another break-out, swelling, pain and this time I’m paying for it double.

I know I missed that lesson so I’m learning it again.

Slow.

Slow.

Slow.

I’m annoyed and I’m frustrated.

Slow.

Slow.

Slow.

But I’m seeing things I might have miseed. Seeing things I was too busy to look for. Childhood’s dreamings, winds whisperings, slanting light’s stories.

I’m all or nothing seeking middle ground. In this act of motherhood so rich and full. Demanding and undoing. I’m forced to balance. Knees on floor. Head in hands. Heart wide open. I’m learning.

And learning means practice. And it doesn’t come quick. But I’m learning and I’m full of the goodness of it.

Grateful for grace.

::

If you’d like to join in with a reality check of your own, please add a link or note in the comments!

P.S. There’s been a whole lot of reality here lately. I’ve been quite the downer but things are on the upswing. I’m opening my eyes and enjoying the good that surrounds me. Thanks for putting up with my aching heart.